That means I have almost been here for two months. In those two months I have learned how to order Bier in German “Zwei biers bitte”, I have been introduced to winter in April, have lived in two different flats, have danced in an abandoned pool at 4 am, attempted to touch Mobys bald head in said pool, made friends who don’t totally suck (Hey Guys ;) ), have learned to appreciate the sun and sunny days and I have been caught in multiple torrential downpours with nay an umbrella in sight. I of coarse, have done way more than what I have mentioned, but you can read about that is previous posts if you are so inclined.
So June 1st is tomorrow and tonight I am finally moving into my longterm flat! So no more living out of a suitcase! Thank goodness. I am finally going to feel normal and not like I am sleeping in someone elses bed in a flat that does not feel like home.
About the flat:
Location: Prenzlauer Berg, near a lot of cool bars, very close to work.
Size: Medium sized = perfect, also the price is great, but in Berlin everything is cheap!
Me = Happy (Content, Joyous, Ready to move in)
Once I am settled in, I will post some pictures :) In the meantime listen to some klassiche Bowie below.
Damn. It is HOT in Berlin today and sort of reminds me of San Diego. I wish I was tanning right now, but that will come this weekend. Anyways in the meantime I am listening to all sorts of summery musik. The Very Best hit the spot.
Sunday in Berlin. This music is making me feel very happy.
1. ESG - What she came for 2. Michael King - Plum Bobb 3. Microsolco - A lion love 4. Hot Toddy & Danielle Moore - Won’t let go 5. Heiko Laux & Teo Schulte - Sound hug ( Daniel Bortz remix ) 6. Silver Disco - Rock on 7. 6th Borough Project - Sometimes the fool 8. Mitzi - All I heard ( Bonar Bradberry remix ) 9. Electric City - Electric City All Night ( Kolombo remix ) 10. Tad Wily - Lonely night 11. Chris Malinchak - The fourth 12. Munk - La musica ( DJ Steef bootleg remix )
I’m sitting by my open window, staring up to the sky. The rumbling of thunder, the flashes of lightning, the forceful winds, the muffled street noises, I love it all. After looking at the weather forecast this morning, I planned my day around being at home to watch the storm from this window. It’s raining now. It sounds strange. Different than the sound of rain I am far too accustomed to. Maybe rain drops hitting cobblestone generates sound waves of a different frequency than rain drops hitting pavement. There aren’t enough cobblestones in Vancouver. My window looks out into the courtyard of these attached apartment buildings. I’ve been waiting for the storm all day long. It was really nice out today, I went to the flea market, which ended up being quite the disappointment. Things were mostly overpriced and underwhelming. I was hoping to get special souvenirs from there. Maybe I didn’t dig enough. Oh well. Next weekend. Different flea market. The flea market was next to a park. So after wandering aimlessly for a couple hours, I got some currywurst and sat down in the park to read. It was a really nice Sunday afternoon (I think I got sunburnt), with live music performances and families and friends having picnics. Oh the lightning’s getting brighter. It’s lighting up the courtyard every so often. I really like the apartments here. I really like it here.
I stared at the washing machine for 10 minutes trying to figure out how to use it. I have never seen more options or buttons in my life and every single one was confusing as hell so I just pushed the button that made the red light illuminate and the other one that didn’t say “STOP” and wished for the best.
The medium sized white machine grumbled and moaned for a while in agony as the process of the clothes washing began. I sat there and watched my clothing become engorged with water. I felt that I could do no more so I proceeded to watch Extras in my bedroom.
An hour later I returned to find that all my clothes had turned a light dirty blue, my beloved buffalo exchange sweater had shrunk to fit a medium sized child and my clothes were still sopping wet, heavy with water. I had obviously done something wrong in my quest for the right buttons to make my clothing clean.
The water was draining from the bathtub and I was just sitting there shivering staring up at the ceiling. There is this stain that starts at the top of the wall that runs all the way to the drain and it is yellow. I always stare at it and wonder how it got there because this apartment is so nice and so well loved - it just does not make sense that it would be there but it is.
I sat there for a while and it was getting colder and colder as the lukewarm water escaped from the white tub. The shower curtain was clinging to my skin and it was dreadfully cold and uncomfortable and thin - not like my shower curtain in California which was thick and never clinged. That is a strange thing to notice but when you move to Europe one thing that is different and not necessarily better are the size of the showers and tubs. In California, the tubs are significantly wider, so your skin never clings to the curtain because it is not close enough, but my bath tub here is about two inches wider than my hips making the chance of “clingage” much more probable. But this is a side note.
So I was there. I was thinking about how I didn’t have the energy to move nor did I have the energy to properly wash my hair a few minutes earlier. So my hair was in a tangled mess but soaked and I was just on my back staring at the ceiling, cold and tired. My legs felt so stiff and I couldn’t even touch my toes because my flexibility had abandoned me after last nights dancing. I went back to Wedding last night and saw Moby in the same abandoned swimming pool that I danced in the weekend before. It was an amazing time, but at one point my whole body was burning because it was so hot. I don’t need a gym, I have the dance floor. I had a proper cardio workout last night and it was stellar, but it left me frail.
All the water finally drained and I reached up and felt the side of the tub. It was marble white and really smooth and felt cold to the touch. I pulled myself up slowly and slipped slightly then dragged myself out of the tub and into one of the electric pink towels that I brought from California.
I was alone in my apartment and there were no sounds coming from my open window that faced the street near the train tracks. I didn’t even hear any trains going by. I felt miles from nowhere, but I couldn’t bare to be somewhere at that point and solitude was welcome. I turned on my iPod and listened to Cat Stevens.
“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the wind is blowing and the leaves are shaking, I feel like a shadow…"
Today was very busy and I got a lot done content wise at work. It was also really rainy and that left me feeling lathargic and introspective and also very wet because I didn’t bring an umbrella. By the end of the day I was utterly spent and just wanted to listen to music and chill out. SO that is what I did and I stumbled upon this song. And it is my song of the day.
Berlin is bleak today and on the verge of rain, but just on the verge…like where the rain is about to come but it doesn’t and it is a little uncomfortable. Its like “RAIN already”. Also it is cold today but I do like it despite the song I have chosen for my song of the day.
My song of the day is:
Beach House - I Do Not Care for the Winter Sun (BLACKBIRD BLACKBIRD remix)
I woke up this morning (and by morning, I mean noon) and my hair smelled like cigarettes and sweat. My legs were aching and my back was sore as I stretched my arms above my head and let out a huge yawn. There was a small vodka bottle strewn on the floor, a memory from the night before. It read “Wodka”. I think it was made out of lighter fluid but I cannot be sure and I sure as hell did not care last night.
This weekend was excellent. I fell deep in love with Berlin. I realized this during a quiet moment in the corner of an abandoned pool that had been turned into a dance floor at a club in North Berlin. I just stopped dancing and I breathed in deeply and looked around. I was in a pool, dancing myself clean, surrounded by a bunch of attractive Danish people who were smoking cigarettes (hence why my hair smelled of smoke) and drinking club mates and vodka. I just thought “Damn..is this really happening?” It was really surreal for some reason, but the euphoric feeling that rushed through my veins as I gazed upon the crowd was immense and I knew that I was happy and I couldn’t stop smiling. I also couldn’t stop smiling because Marie was busting some moves that I think are deemed illegal in some countries. The girl can dance.
We were in Wedding. Probably the most strange Burrough in Berlin. I don’t know why I find it so odd, but I always have the weirdest / craziest nights there and I never feel like I am in Berlin. Wedding feels like this weird abandoned concrete mecca where mid twenties scenesters go to dance like banshees and howl at the moon. I have never danced as hard as I do when I am at Wedding anywhere else (maybe Berghain). Last night I felt like Tina Turner or Beyonce. You know when they do those moves where they shake their lower bodies vigorously with like one leg out and their hair gets all mussed, well I was doing that but I am sure far less skillfully. But the thing was, I could give less of a shit how I looked and no one did either and that is also another reason why Berlin is amazing. Mind you, this isn’t the feeling I get everywhere or from everyone, but when I am in the clubs here people just act free and dance with such energy and no one gives a damn if they are sweaty or if they hair is all messed up. That is part of dancing for me. If someone isn’t sweaty while dancing, I immediately grow suspicious.
So I danced all night and I stumbled out of the club at 6am. My eyes took awhile to get adjusted to the sunlight that was already fully pouring over the horizon. A man was walking his dog and he stopped to stare at me as I walked alone to the S-Bahn station. I can only imagine what he was thinking. I put on my sunglasses and with a bit of effort climbed up the stairs and waited for the S-41 that would take me home along with a plethora of other club kids. I fell asleep on the short ride home and don’t remember walking to my flat, but in a moment I was at my door. The night finally came to an end officially and I slept well under soft blankets as a train screamed by my window in the distance.
“I liked Berlin. The city and I understood each other. I liked that they had left the bombed-out hulk of the Kaiser Wilhelm Church as a monument to loss. Nobody had forgotten anything here. In Berlin, you had to wrestle with the past, you had to build on the ruins, inside them. It wasn’t like America, where we scraped the earth clean, thinking we could start again every time. We hadn’t learned yet, that there was no such thing as an empty canvas.”—Janet Fitch, White Oleander (via feathersinfray)
So I am just going to come out with it: It ain’t always easy to be a 24 year old American girl* in Berlin (*In the iconic words of Ms. B Spears herself ‘I’m not a girl..not yet a woman’) . And it ain’t always easy to be a million miles away from home or a trillion miles away from best friends who I miss dearly. I had some moments this week that were rough to say the least. I was missing my friends in San Diego, but mostly I have been missing my 10 pound Dachshund Chloe.
For a year she accompanied me everyday to the office at my old job in San Diego and I was never away from her for long on the weekends. You know how much more active you are with a dog? The answer is A LOT more. I used to go on twice daily walks with her to the park that was at the end of my street that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. God it was gorgeous there. I was outside all day on the weekends and I was tan. I pale in comparison (pun intended) to my old tan self.
This might seem all whiney and stupid because I am in BERLIN. The coolest place ever! Waa waa waa. I work at SOUNDCLOUD, one of the best places I have ever worked and I am surrounded by really amazing people here. BUT, feelings are feelings and I felt shitty and that is just how it is and I can’t change it. I know that if I write about it, I will feel better so that is why I am typing this on a Friday afternoon.
The truth is I love it here and I love everything Berlin has to offer. In fact tonight I am going to see Holy Ghost! (RAD) and the other night I had an amazing New York style burger + fries and every night the beer here is leaps and bounds better than in America…but I still miss Lonestar beer and Natty Ice.
So there ya go friends, it ain’t always easy living here without yall’ and it isn’t always without complaints BUT if it was my life would be damn boring. That doesn’t interest me much.